Love- A challange

I shared this with my 'Good Morning Girls' group this morning and thought I'd post it over here too.


I'm reading Crazy Love by Frances Chan...it's incredible.

It's really challenging. I guess the only thing is if I don’t apply it, it’s a waste of time…so I’ve been trying really hard to apply what I’m learning. I think I’ll have to read it about 6 more times to be able to remember everything.



Love.

We are called to Love.

In general I would say that I am loving and find it easy to Love.

God tells us what love is and what it is supposed to look like and it’s really not as simple or as easy as I had thought! Most of us our very familiar with 1 Corninthians 13

4Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.



In the book, Frances Chan, asks the reader to do this following exercise. This was a HUGE eye opener for me. He asks you to read this passage of scripture outloud but using your name in place of LOVE and it.



Try it! All I could say was OUCH! And to be honest, couldn’t even finish reading it.


4(Name) is patient, (Name) is kind.

(Name) does not envy, (Name) does not boast, (Name) it is not proud.

5(Name) is not rude,

(Name) is not self-seeking,

(Name) is not easily angered,

(Name) keeps no record of wrongs.

6(Name) does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7(Name) always protects,

8Love never fails.

This poor blog has taken a big dive lately. Sorry.

I am all geared up and ready to homeschool this year. Back in May, I registered Hallie at the public school, just-in-case. Yesterday they called because she was 'absent'. It through me for a loop. I hadn't finished all the paperwork they sent me home with after registering her and I didn't send in confirmation of our address, which was a requirement, so I wasn't expecting them to call.

I felt kind of empty knowing that she was on a class list, had classmates, a teacher, a cubby, a desk and an opportunity. She was missing out on so much. Her teacher will know her name but never the chance to know who she is. Her cubby will be empty and the kids will just say "I wonder who Hallie is?"

I suddenly felt like I was keeping her from something. A heaviness came over me and I felt so inadequate. I felt like I was depriving her of something.

I dropped off our babysitters and busted through their door. My friend P, was sitting at her piano and I think I nearly ran her over as she turned around to see me. I couldn't keep the tears in. I begged her to tell me that she has felt the same way before and needed her to tell me that I wasn't going to 'screw Hallie up'

Paige had to say very little before I remembered all the reasons why we are homeschooling and here are just two quick ones (cuz my kids are needing breakfast and being really noisy)

- It's not about what she's loosing by not going to school, it's about what she's gaining by staying home (no time to list them all)

- I can't do it on my own but they great thing is, I don't have to and I'm not.
Philipians 4:13. I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me. Without Him I am nothing and with Him I can be all that I need to be.

- oh, and a third one cuz it's a biggy.... I feel called to do it. There are few things I can say that I've honestly felt "called" to do and homeschooling for this season is one of them and until I hear otherwise I will walk in obedience and enjoy the ride.

Seems like most of my homeschooling friends have started the year with a big "why we homeschool" post and I might get to that eventually too... but for today, I'm not going write more about it, I'm just going to do it and love it and let the Father carry me through.

Happy Father's Day!

Earlier in the week I had this feeling of emptiness.  Something was missing.  It didn't take me long, just a song a radio, to realize that I was desperately missing my Grandpa.  It's Fathers Day today!!!  There has been commercials, signs, advertisements all over the place to remind us of this very special day where we honor our dads.  I have a great step-dad.  Problem is, when he and my mom got married, I was to much of a little brat to let him actually be a father to me.   Fathers Day always reminds me of my Grandpa.  I could write a book about him and the wonderful example he was as a father, grandfather, friend, husband, and Christ follower. 

Here's a list of what I'm remembering today. 

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Faithfulness
Goodness
Gentleness
Self-Control.

1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain.  Faith. Hope. and Love.  and the greatest of these is Love. 

More on this later...I'm off to make my childrens father a yummy breakfast!!!

Memorial Box Monday

Hallie has always been a bit 'accident prone'.  Last June we were at the the Cardel showhome early on a Monday morning signing some papers for our new house.  The kids were behind us sitting on big leather chairs and feasting on timbits (one of my standby bribes).   We had been there for about 45 minutes and we suddenly heard a LOUD smash, followed by silence.  Chris and I quickly turned around and there was Hallie, laying on the tile floor.  The Cardel employee that was facing the direction of the kids said, "oh, she's been jumping from chair to chair".  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Who allows that?  We certainly wouldn't have!!!   There wasn't any ice there or anything we could do to help her.  Chris had his own vehicle there because he was heading to work so I quickly signed what I had to and left with the kids.   I had just gotten them all buckled in the van and Hallie started to throw-up.  GROSS!!  There wasn't much I could do...I couldn't take her back into the brand new show up and they didn't have anything there to help clean her up anyways.  She had managed to get most of it into my Tim Hortons coffee cup thankfully.  I made sure she was *okay* and began to drive.  I only made it a block and a half and it started again.  There was no way I could make it through the 20 minute drive home with her getting sick.  So, I called our friend Ashley that lives two blocks from where we were and begged her to let us in for a bit until Hallie was done being sick.  We got into Ashleys and Hallie's head looked like it was about to split open.  The bump above her eye went all the way to the side of her head and was sticking out about and inch off her head. The skin looked like it was going to break open.  Ashley kindly offered to watch Raya and Theo so I could take Hallie to the walkin clinic.  There was already a huge wait as it was Monday morning.  The triage nurse took one look at the bump on Hallie's head and we were taken to a room right away.  The Dr. came to see her and decided she should be taken to the Childrens Hospital.  Ashley has a dayhome and had enough kids there without mine, I couldn't leave them there.  The Dr. let me leave on the basis that I would get her to the hospital as soon as possible otherwise he'd like her taken by ambulance.  A quick call to Chris and he was on his way back home.  He met me at our place and I was about to take Hallie to the hospital.  Well, she seemed to be going down hill a bit and I was nervous about her getting sick again.  She was feeling light headed and confused.  So, we called the ambulance.  She ended up suffering from her 3rd concusion.  :(   It took her a few weeks to recover completely.

this was a few days later

She seemed better for about 2 weeks and then started to get confused and forgetful.  She was getting really frustrated with herself.  Every SINGLE day since the 'incident' when I'd brush her hair over the left side of her head she'd say "OUCH".   I decided to take her back to the Dr before we left on holidays for Green Bay Bible Camp (one of the BEST places EVER).  He said she had what was called "Post Concusion Syndrome" and we could except this to last up to 3 years.  YIKES!

It came and went.  We were at Green Bay and she fell and became confused again.  It was really hard to watch her being so frustrated with herself.  Chris and I have met some wonderful people at GBBC.   Two of them being Mike and Candace.  We were instantly drawn to them our first year and last year we were able to spend more time with them.  They are an amazing couple, grounded in the Word and willing to let the Lord use them.  I had shared with Candace a bit about Hallie's situation.  She told me that she had recently suffered from a concusion as well and shared a bit about how frustrating it was for her, even as an adult.  She explained things to me that helped me to better understand how Hallie must have been feeling.  She had suffered from symptoms for quite a while until Mike and another fellow from their church prayed over her and she was healed!  What a MIRACLE!!!

At fireside that night, or maybe the next night, we were sitting with M&C.  When it was over, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said

"Hallie is healed! The Lord asked me to give my healing to her and I did.  I don't have to pray with her or lay hands on her, she's already healed!!!!!!"

WOW!!!  For the first few seconds I was stunned and in disbelief, how could this be?  I could see in her eyes how serious she was and I chose to BELIEVE!!

We went to bed thanking God (and Candace).  I was anxious for Hallie to wake up in the morning so I could see it for myself.  She woke up and seemed "normal" to both Chris and I.  The true test came when it was time to comb her hair.   I carefully grabbled the comb and began at the other side.  I worked my way around her head as I had for the past 2 months and this time she was SILENT!  Not a word!!  To this day, she still hasn't ever said "OUCH" or "That hurts".   She is healed!!!  

I can't wait until I feel the time is right to tell her this story. 

The item going in our Memorial Box to remind us of this gift given to us by our our Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God will be a  

which will represent the bruise on her head that was healed first on the outside and then on the inside!!

Thank You Jesus!!

She's so typical (or maybe not)

We were driving today to a friends place for coffee.  Their middle child is the same age as Hallie.  When we were pregnant we'd talk about how it will be so cute and fun to watch them grow and play together.  It was devastating when we all learned that life would be more difficult for K.   Hallie has always been pretty good with K.  She pays attention to her and talks to her and about her.  I knew the day would come when she'd start to ask questions.  Today was the day.  I did my best to explain a bit without saying to much.  At the end of my little spiel, Hallie says "God made her that way and He has a great plan for her life doesn't He mom?"

She then said
"Mom, what do you think God's plan was for my life last year?, Do you think I did everything that He wanted me to?"

Her birthday is coming up on Saturday and she wants to make sure that when she was 6, she did what God had planned for her :)

Made me think I should make a list of what I think God has planned for me this year and make sure to get it done!

Memorial Box Monday

This is a first for me... I follow a blog of an amazing woman with a great heart.  She does "Memorial Box Mondays" and has encouraged her readers to do the same.  Since I've been thinking of it anyways, I thought I should rise to the challenge :)

The idea behind it is to have a 'box' of tangible items that remind you of what God has done in your life.  It's so easy to forget how He carries us through.  When we look back at each item in the box we will be reminded of Gods faithfulnes.

So here it is...the first item to be in our box will be a fantastic reminder of this...

When I was pregnant with Raya we had many ultrasounds.  We were told, and shown, that she had a two vessel umbilical cord instead of three.  We went often to make sure she was growing and getting everything she needed.  Each time, the specialist would show me pictures of the cord afterwards along with a bunch of charts that I couldn't understand.  Raya was gaining and growing at an appropriate rate despite the missing vessel.  Chris and I prayed that she would be healed and that the cord would be fine. 

As most of you know, Raya was born prematurely after a horrible labour.  There were no medical staff in the room when she was born.  It was myself and my exhausted husband and sister.   Raya had a rough start and you can read about her story here.   It was shortly after she had been recessated and the Dr was prepping her to be transfered to another hospital.  They had finally let me in to be with her and I was still waiting for Chris and Hallie to arrive for our 'family picture' (ugh) before they moved her.   Things started beeping and flashing and it was all crazy.  The Dr said to the nurse "Grab me a central line" and she replied with "we can't use that, she only has a two vessel cord".  The Dr looked down at my precious little babe, covered in more cords and tubes than I could count and said back to the nurse "What do you mean, her cord is PERFECT". 

Her PERFECT cord saved her life.  I had seen the two vessel cord, Chris had seen the two vessel cord, there are pictures of the two vessel cord and our sweet girl was born with a complete and perfect 3 vessel cord.  The Lord healed her.

It still drives me crazy that the comments we heard afterwards were things like
"the medical people make mistakes like that all the time" 
"those specialists didn't know what they were talking about"
"that's our health care system for you, they get people worked up for nothing"

NO people, that's not true.... We prayed for healing and we got it!  She was healed by Our Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God! (as Linny would say)

The first item to go in our Memorial Box will be ....

A Cord. 

And it will remind us that God still performs miracles

today and He has His hand on our Raya from the beginning!

 I can't find spell check and I know I have a ton of errors in this post.  Blogger is being super slow and I don't have time to fix them right now...school is calling...hallie is WAY to fast at her math :)

Giving Thanks

Thank you Lord for the unexpected raise my office gave me today...the extra money will be going straight to the adoption fund!

Worship Night

Our church had Family Worship Night tonight.  The musicians in our church are incredible.  They are so talented and humble, it's amazing!  

I was reminded tonight that it's not about what I GET out of it...it's what I can GIVE! 

The past few months I've barely been able to sing during the worship time.  I had to fight back the tears.  I couldn't say the words without feeling this huge pressure on my heart.  I knew God was calling me to something and I knew I needed to surrender but I just couldn't wouldn't. 

I'm on a 'spiritual high' right now.  I feel like I could spend my whole day with God and no-one else and there still wouldn't be enough time.  Saying "Yes, Lord" feels so good.   I want to see this world through His eyes.  I've taken a step back and am trying to figure out what HE wants my life here on earth to look like.  What I've realized so far is that we aren't meant to be comfortable...and if you are, you need to do something about it!!  We will be comfortable in heaven, this is our time of labour and serving and there is joy and contentment in that!

..........................................................

Change of topic....  Raya has had a rough day....we are anticpated a seizure sometime in the next 12 hours or so.  She was hard to watch tonight.  It's like she didn't know what to do with herself.  She went from hugging to dancing to growling to laughing to pouting to laying down to jumping to screaming all within minutes over and over and over again.   Tomorrow will be a hard day, she will be exhausted and really dependant.  Monday we will be on back on the positive side of life again.  She is going in 2 week cycles lately.  MRI followup is on Feb 1.


better late than never to start using labels I suppose

A New Blog

Here is a link to our new blog... for now we will still keep this one too....

Our New Blog

the picture of perfection

Raya was eating her breakfast this morning (after everyone else was done).  She's reeeaaaally slow in the morning, and she needs her space!

The rest of us were upstairs frantically getting ready for Bible Study.  I came downstairs to check on her progress and give her a little 'ya better hurry or were gonna be late' speach. 

I rounded the corner to find her sitting at the island, holding her spoon half way to her mouth and singing "I play my drum for Him, pa rum pa pum pum"

I didn't interupt.  She continued with her song in between mouthfuls of cereal.

We were late for Bible Study. 

And it's okay because Raya needed that time to worship this morning. 

A little girls dream....

I set my alarm to get up early and get some work done.  I've turned on my worship music and am plucking away at my invoicing.  I have to admit there has been more worship and less work this morning but I can't stop myself....and I know it's not a bad thing.

Raya woke up and came in my office with her eyes half open, carrying her blankie and sporting some crazy hair.  She quietly says

"I had a good dream this time Mom"
me "what was it about?"
raya "My auntie Cheremi brought her new babies home"
insert BIG grin here (with eyes still half open)
raya "but I still miss them"

oh sweet Raya, my prayer is that your little sweet dream comes true really really soon.

Is it that bad?

We were getting ready frantically on Sunday morning in our bathroom.  Chris casually says

"What happened to Betti?"
me: "You took her out of the budget when we moved"
chris: "No, I don't think I did, but if I did, I'll get her back in there"
me: "sweet"

Guess who's coming to my house on Tuesday???  BETTI!!  We love Betti! 

And.... I'm going to do myself a favor and not read into the underlying message of this conversation....but I do wonder, is it really that bad?  I'll also answer my question by saying "nope, I don't think it is".  My time is spent schooling Hallie, playing with the littles, building relationships, working, driving the kids to their activities and appointments, going to Bible Study and allowing God to shape me into who He wants me to be. 

The rest can wait...for Betti :)

Today is a Day of Prayer

As most of you know, My sister and her husband are in the process of bringing home two sweet little babes from Uganda.  I'm joining hundreds of others across the world to pray for them and the situation in Uganda.  If you would take a few minutes to pray for them today, it would mean so much to me!!

One of their good friends has posted about their situtation...you can see it here..
http://www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/  It's a fantastic blog written by a homeschooling mom of many!!

I have copied the excerpt that she has written on my sister's situation here...

Weeks ago I wrote about our dear friends James and Cheremi. James went with Dw to Africa this past summer. He fell in love with a little girl and started the process to bring her home. When James came home (to Canada) Cheremi said, "James I still feel God has a little boy for us." James contacted the orphanage and they said that there was a little boy with special needs that they would let them also have. A true miracle!!


So before heading to Africa James and Cheremi did all their paperwork. They dotted every "i" and crossed every "t". They were told by their Canadian Government that adoption is a top priority and they would expedite the VISAs.


James and Cheremi left as soon as they had the clearance from Uganda and Canada. They both were in Africa together for a week until their joint court date. AFter a week though, Cheremi flew home to care for their three other little children.


James stayed in Africa with their two new children. Only thing is that Canada has now changed their tune. They had said that it would take 2 weeks has now turned into 22 months. In the meantime James and Cheremi are bearing this burden. James has been in Africa now for 11 weeks. Cheremi is home in Canada with the 3 kids.


You who have adopted understand how once you meet your child, it's impossible to turn your back and go home and wait. The thing is that nothing is going to change either way, except we get on our knees.



"All those gathered here will know


that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves;

for the battle is the LORD's,

and he will give all of you into our hands."

I Samuel 17:46-48




Now many could say, but Linny there are others who are in a crisis. Or others would say, "But I don't live in Canada." Or others might say, "there are others who need prayer." Or still others would say, "I'm not adopting and won't ever be, so this doesn't affect me."



BUT I am pleading with you with a prophetic voice for this reason: I believe that this is a pivotal point in international adoption. The Lord has impressed on me that He has been merciful to the body of Christ in allowing a door of opportunity to care for the orphan. But the door is now becoming a window and if we do not get on our knees and plead for Canada (and the rest of the world) to keep the opportunities for international adoption open, then we will see a sudden change in the winds of adoption. I do not type those words lightly. It is that serious.



So what can we do? The only thing we can do is get on our knees and pray. Fast. Beg the Lord to have mercy and move on the hearts of the Canadian officials. Move mightily. Move swiftly. Move for the orphans. Move because He is God and He loves the orphan. Move because He loves them even more than we do. He knows the number of hairs on the heads of all 147 million. He loves them with an everlasting love. He loves them enough to send His only son to die for them.



For this reason I am asking for you to join me this Wednesday January 6, 2009 for a day of prayer (and fasting). If you are able to fast - please join me in that as well.


Maybe some have never adopted and never plan to. It's okay. You can still do something for the orphan. (James 1:27) You can pray with us. If possible you can fast.


Fast for God to move on behalf of James and Cheremi!

God uses the little ones....

This morning I was *really* wrestling with something in my head.  It has to do with a topic that has occupied ALOT of my headspace in the past 6 weeks or so.   I know what the right answer is but it comes at a cost.  If I say 'yes' to *this* it means 'no' to *this*.   I am selfish by nature....but I know in the end the reward is great if I surrender to the calling. 

While I was having a 'ya, but' conversation back and forth in my head Hallie came up to me and handed me a note that she had written for me.  I opened it up and it said "Follow Jesus for this is right'

That was the end of the conversation in my head.

Backyard Missionfield

One of the BIG reasons we decided to move was so that our kids could play outside!  This house has already proven to be great for that :)

Our neighbors took possession on Thursday and our girls were building snowmen in the backyard.  The girl (8) from next door asked if she could join in.  YAY!  Friends already!!

Upon coming in the house with a cold face, red nose, wet hair and sweaty body Hallie proclaims "Great News Mom!  Our new neighbors believe in Jesus!"

I smiled and gave her a hug!  Didn't surprise me that she'd already had that 'talk'.

**she still prays for Samaya...her old neighbor friend that doesn't believe in God.

Well, I was on a roll with cleaning...hoping to get soo much done this morning.  I stopped by the computer to check my email.  There is a devastating email from my sister saying their adoption process could now take 22 months to process when in the beginning they were told a few weeks or even days.  The thing that really gets to me is that there isn't a reason.  It's all political and it's not fair....THESE ARE CHILDRENS LIVES!!!!!

Lord, I know that you love these children for they are yours and they belong to you.  Please protect their little minds and eyes and hearts as they continue to live at the orphange.  I pray that you would work in the minds and hearts of those in control over there and break-up whatever negativity is keeping these adoptions from going through.   You love the orphans, widows and the poor and I pray that you would give others the same passion and love for this large group of people.  Please give Cher and James an incredible peace that passes all understanding.  Bless them richly Lord as they live their lives to please and honor YOU!
Amen.

The tears keep coming...PLEASE pray for them and read their blog!  http://www.heartgrownfamily.blogspot.com/

She's a Smart Cookie

The girls are playing downstairs with a babysitter and I'm working in the office.
They are playing hide-and-go-seek.
It's finally Raya's turn to count.
"How long do I count for?" she asks
"um, how about you count to 10 two times" (seems reasonable for a 4 year old, I was impressed that the sitter modified it for her since Hallie had been counting to 40)

with disgust Raya replies
"NOOOO, because I can count to 20 you know!!!"

cute moment.

This morning as Raya holds a banana she looks up with her big HUGE eyes and says
"do you what this is in french?"
"no, hunny, what is it?"
"It's called a BANANA!"
she looks down at the banana and gets a puzzled look on her face
"oh, maybe actually, I think that's english"

and now we WAIT...

Yesterday morning I woke up before the alarm. Numerous times actually. I didn't know what the day would turn out to be like and I admit, I was nervous. Raya was excited though. I woke her up and told her it was time to go the Dr. She loved that she could wear her pajamas!!

Everyone was so nice at the hospital. She received more attention than she could handle...almost! We were moved from one waiting area to another and then to another... Different staff popped in to each area to ask different questions and to have different forms signed. Before I knew it I was laying her down on a little white bed and she was staring up at 4 complete strangers. :( The fear in her eyes was almost more than I could handle. She squeezed my hand with her little fingers and I rubbed her head. The anesthetist put a mask on her face and her eyes were locked on mine. Her eyelids got heavy and I leaned in to kiss her cheek. I prayed in her ear as her breathing got heavy and her arms and legs began to move around. The nurse told me I had to go. The anesthetist said "just let mom give her one more kiss" and I did. I said one more prayer in her ear, wiped my tears and left the room.

SO HARD.

I went to the bathroom and sang
God in her living
There in her breathing
God in her waking
God in her sleeping
God in her resting
There in her working
God in her thinking
God in her speaking
BE HER EVERYTHING
God in her hoping
There in her dreaming
God in her watching
God in her waiting
God in her laughing
There in her weaping
God in her hurting
God in her healing
BE HER EVERYTHING

I'm so thankful for His promise to us that He will never leave us. I was worried about her, but I didn't need to be. Her creator was right there with her...does it get any better than that? GOD was with her....and He was with me too.


After arriving back home we had a difficult day. Raya did sleep and just as they had told me she was grumpy and 'drunklike' for most of the day. Today wasn't much better so I'm hoping that putting her to bed tonight shortly after 6 will place a positive spin on tomorrow.

I've been asked a few times "How long until you know something?"
I'm supposed to call in two weeks to make an appointment. I'll probably wait until after Christmas. I don't really need to know anything before now and the new year. I don't really want her results tied to Christmas in any way. This is a time to celebrate the birth of Christ!

My Beanie!

My day has been a complete write off since I got the call from the Childrens Hospital saying they'd like to move Raya's MRI to TOMORROW morning at 8am.

It was booked for Tuesday the 15th and though it's only a week sooner, I'm not ready. I kinda just panicked and have done nothing all day but 'think'. Next week my mom was going to come and stay with the other two. Chris would meet me at the hospital to help pass the time. I'd be able to come home and spend the rest of the day comforting Raya and caring for her and making sure all her needs were met without the distraction of everyone else. Now what? Chris is sick. My mom is to busy with work. Chris's parents are comfortable at home and his mom is weak with an illness right now. It sucks. It feels like what was going to be a big giant effort and sacrifice on the part of many that love her is now left in my lap for me to deal with on my own. I feel like I'm facing this dark day alone without support, even though I know it's not true.

No matter the results of the MRI, it changes *us*. If the results are good it changes things. If there are not so good, it changes things. Once we know what we are dealing with we will need to research and plan and do whatever we can to make her joyous life the best and easiest it can be. ! What doesn't change is how much I LOVE HER!!!

I'm thankful for our friends that have called and offered to help. Unfortunately it's hard because I need to leave at 6:45am and that's much to early to drop my kids off at anyones house. Thanks for calling to offer support. It means SO much to us!!!!!

Please pray for peace and comfort for Raya tomorrow. I'm sure it's harder on me than on her. She has no idea about any of it....and it's good that way!