For a long time now I've wondered why as parents we feel this incredible need to make sure everything is "fair". I guess probably because in an 'ideal' world, everything would be "fair". When our kids are playing we say things like
"make sure you are fair"
"don't do that, it's not fair"
"do you think that was fair?"
Raya lately has been coming up to me when she's upset at one of her siblings or something I've done and she says "NO FAIR!" (which she can say quite well, I have to admit it1) I've started to respond with "Life's not Fair!"
I don't want to teach my kids that everything is about "fairness". I think I might be better off to teach them how to deal with life when it isn't "fair" to them.
I know my children aren't guinnea pigs, but I have been doing some experimenting with my theory :) I've been cutting their pizza in different sizes, pouring different amounts of chocolate milk etc.... of course in the end, they probably end up with an equal amount but it's the principle of teaching them how to react when they feel that they have been mis-treated. Sometimes you will get less, and sometimes you will get more. What is the proper way to react when you have less? what about when you have more and see that someone has less? It's opened alot of doors of communication and led to some good conversations and 'teachable moments' with them, especially Hallie.
I'd rather teach them about the lack of fairness right now when they are more 'teachable' rather than teach them only about fairness and have them leave the house at 18 and realize that LIFE ISN'T FAIR.
Of course, my goal for my children is that they treat others fairly, and it is one of our family rules, but I also want them to know how to react, respond and deal with life when it isn't fair.
