- Why is it that our society more readily accepts this type of abuse when it is just as hurtful as any other type, including sexual?
- Why is it that people need to feel so trapped that they can't speak up against it? How long does it have to go on?
- Who's place is it to say something?
- What can be said?
- What can be done?
- Why do I allow my children to see it go on in the lives of people they love?
- At what point is ENOUGH, ENOUGH!!!!
- At what point is it unhealthy for my kids to be around negative influences that still love them and treat them well?
- When do I say to my kids "I know you love them but it's not okay for you to see them act a certain way" and how do I say it without hurting anyones feelings?
- When will the "abuser" start abusing my kids?
- Will I recongnize it in time?
- Will I ever be able to forgive myself if they end up getting hurt?
- Is the risk worth it?
- Why do the innocent good people get hurt and the abusers get away with it?
- How do I explain these negative actions/reactions/words to my kids?
- When will people stop justifying the negative and look for a solution?
- Who's responsibility is it to say "I'm not letting you do this anymore to the people that you love and that love you"?
It takes 100 positive friends/people for every negative friend/person in your life. Negative people bring you down faster than you can be brought back up.
I'm supposed to be working right now, but as you can tell, I have many things going through my head that I am wrestling with. It doesn't matter how much you love someone, there comes a time when your kids come first (the second they are born) and ties may need to be broken for a while for the sake of your children and the longterm affect it may have on them. The crappy part is.....the kids loose out either way!
It's a known fact that the negative influences/times in your life are more influencial than the positive. It will only take 1 time of being emotionally abused or treated poorly for my kids to be potentially ruined and I'm not willing to risk that!!!
If the problem was alcohol abuse I wouldn't let my children around a drunk.
If the problem was physical abuse I wouldn't let my children around someone who would possible hit them or hit and abuse others in their presence.
So why should/do I allow them to be around a "loose cannon" that can't always, or chooses not to, control their emotions, words and actions and continues to control and manipulate those around them.
It's a fine line and and an obvious line to draw all at the same time....so it's really hard. At what point does the "risk outweigh the reward"?
I have to say that emotional and verbal abuse is a touchy, ugly, subject and it's ruining the lives of people around me that I love SO much and I don't know what to do about it!
3 comments:
I don't know the specifics of your situation, but it's clear that you have lots of hard choices to make both as a person and as a mother. What angers me so much is the way our society treats emotions in general. I think from a young age, we start giving kids the wrong messages, and then they grow up not knowing how to handle their emotions in a healthy way, and in turn, become abusive - whether to themselves or to others. I HATE hearing little boys be told to "act tough" or that "men don't cry" - that is bullsh*t!! If men (or women for that matter) don't cry, that means they will lash out in another way - namely some sort of abuse. And little girls are taught to be so generous and kind to others that they do it even at the expense of themselves - whether serving at church even when you are burnt out to all heck, or as extreme as staying in an abusive relationship. It always gets me worked up to see how jacked up our society is with emotions, and especially what messages we are sending children about it. Okay, enough of my rant! Perhaps I should have just said that I feel for you, and hope you are able to come to a resolution in all of this - it sounds like you have been put in a very difficult place, and I can't imagine how hard it is to raise kids in the midst of the chaos that our world is. (But for what it counts, I think you and Chris are sure doing a wonderful job!!)
Nikki, when your girls are old enough. I am giving them my copy of the book captivating. If you have not read it then I suggest it to you too (if you have time). You are going well reminding them that they are amazing and beautiful and yet that you expect them to behave properly, a healthy balance is needed and I think that you and Chris are doing a pretty good job.
As for the negative parts to life, it sucks, boy does it suck, and it is true that one negative comment cuts so deep, epically from people that are closest to us. Oh how I wish we could protect them completely and forever, but eventually someone will bruise their spirit. But you and Chris will be there, you two are so supportive and encouraging to your kids. Chris, keep telling your girls that you are proud of them and that they are beautiful. A supportive father and mother make all the difference in the world! (as do brothers and sisters)
Amen sister. That was put so perfectly, and I agree... it sucks to be the one who gets out there and says something, but I love you for it!! Whatever, Whenever, and However, I am here to stand with you. I am behind you one hundred percent. Manipulation, and verbal abuse are unbelievably detramental and there is no excuse for it. And though the excuses are made, they need to be addressed. Good job. I hope many people read this because people do this all the time, and they think they have the right to... but that is a crock of s***. Love you Nik, talk to you soon
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