It hurts.
I was witness to a conversation this weekend that was painful to be a part of. One person brought up a topic that clearly the other didn't want to talk about. It reminded me that even as adults, Rejection Hurts.
No one wants to be turned down when their heart is on the line. Of course, there is reason(s) that someone is picked over another but noone wants someone else to be "picked" above them. As adults we have the knowledge and maturity to understand how someone else might be more 'qualified' or fit the 'spectrum' better but to be told 'you aren't good enough' or 'this other one is better' still HURTS. It's the same kind of pain you experience in grade 1 when you are the last one picked for Red Rover. The other kids are being picked because they run faster, will shout louder, or are bigger... and it hurts to not be "chosen". The hurt still hurts even as an adult.
I used to watch this great little guy name Max. He's the same age as Theo and is fun to have around. I stopped caring for him when his mom increased her hours and I couldn't commit to that much. My schedule has changed and I'm more available, her (his) needs ware not being met at the Day Home they are using and so I offered to take him back. I didn't initially know if she would switch him back. Of course, I knew that the other one was closer and more convenient and offered some things I couldn't but the thought of being turned down 'hurt'. I wanted to be 'chosen'.
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's CHOSEN people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Isaiah 41:9
I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have CHOSEN you and have not rejected you.
I may not always be 'chosen' by Man, but I AM CHOSEN BY GOD, and therefore I have this promise
James 2:5
Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God CHOSEN those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?
I'm not sure where all that came from today. I was feeling badly and saddend for those who have not been 'chosen' by things/people of this world lately. Thankfully there is a much bigger picture and even though from time to time we all encounter rejection, we are still 'Chosen' at the same time.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
judgment
Don't judge someone on who they were as a child, in highschool, college, young married, or even who they were yesterday....God can change them in an INSTANT!!
"we sin because we are sinners, we aren't sinners because we sin"
Matthew 7
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye
Luke 6:37 (New International Version)
37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
This thought just came to me as I read an email from a *new* friend that has felt harsh judgment in the past....as most of us have at one point or another. Thank you Lord for the gift of Grace and Forgiveness.
"we sin because we are sinners, we aren't sinners because we sin"
Matthew 7
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye
Luke 6:37 (New International Version)
37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
This thought just came to me as I read an email from a *new* friend that has felt harsh judgment in the past....as most of us have at one point or another. Thank you Lord for the gift of Grace and Forgiveness.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
So much on my mind
I've got so much going through my head these days that I just can't seem to focus on ANYTHING!! I wander around the house doing nothing because it all seems overwhelming...should I work, clean, pack, purge, do Raya's therapy, play with the kids, research appliances...my list is endless!
My number one thing that HAS to get done is my work...that has deadlines that have to be met and if they aren't, I don't get paid, which means bills don't get paid...which isn't good. My work is so mundane though and it just gives me time to think and then I get overwhelmed.
Yesterday was an emotionally overwhelming day with respect to Raya. I received a letter from the neurology clinc stating she "doesn't qualify for their services" which sucks because they haven't even seen her yet. Then her OT came over and noticed Raya staring off into space which she does from time to time. She gets a glazed over look for anywhere from 30 seconds to roughly 2 minutes. I've never paid much attention but apparently these could be "mini seizures". Her OT noticed it right away when it happened and started asking a bunch of questions. I just always assumed with seizures, the child would be shaking. Well, her pediatric appt is on May 11 and so I'll run it all past him....which will probably lead to another referral. I really was supposed to work last night but I just couldn't. I went and knelt at her bed and prayed, and cried and prayed.... I just KNOW God has a great plan for her and I NEED to trust in Him, her creator and father. (so much easier to say and to type than to LIVE...but I'm working at it)
On a totally different note....ever since Chris and I have been married, he's often brought up the topic of "missions". I've always shy'd away from the topic. It made me really uncomfortable. He would just end the conversations usually with "Well, if you felt called to go serve somewhere else would you". Of course I'd always say "yes" but inside I was hoping it would NEVER happen. Chris now works for Samaritans Purse and we have the opportunity to hear first hand of various needs that aren't being met and things that need to be done around the world. They have missionaries in the office all the time giving updates of what is going on in the areas that they minister in. I've now got a daughter with a heart and passion to tell the world about Christ. I'm about to start homeschooling in 6 months. I don't know where or why or how but in this whole "house building" process I've been very content and not really becoming to *attached*. I always thought that building a house for our family would have an "emotional" side to it! Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about it and loving it and having fun picking it all out and I'm definately going to love living in it. It all seems so right but so materialistic at the same time. I finally said to Chris the other night
"you know, I don't think this house is going to be ours for long"
he replied saying "really, how come?"
"well, because I feel like we are going to be asked to leave it behind"
"I do too"
"really? like I'm talking about going overseas to Serve somehow"
"ya, I know...me too" he said
So, really....what used to totally freak me out is now becoming a longing....Lord SEND ME!!! It's not really a matter of "if" but more "when". Maybe it will never happen but my heart is ready to go if it is and I'll just continue to pray that we (as a family) continue to desire to serve Him where-ever we are) It's another 180 for me as the homeschooling was....not explainable (so don't ask questions, I don't have the answers)
On another side note...I've been really missing my brother and his wife lately. We aren't super close in relationship or distance but they've been going through some rough times and are on my mind alot. I've put their wedding song on my playlist...it's such a great 'love' song. It's the Bebo Norman one if you want to have a listen.
Well....now that I have that all off my chest, maybe I can get some work done. Say a prayer for our family and especially for Raya-bean before you log off :)
My number one thing that HAS to get done is my work...that has deadlines that have to be met and if they aren't, I don't get paid, which means bills don't get paid...which isn't good. My work is so mundane though and it just gives me time to think and then I get overwhelmed.
Yesterday was an emotionally overwhelming day with respect to Raya. I received a letter from the neurology clinc stating she "doesn't qualify for their services" which sucks because they haven't even seen her yet. Then her OT came over and noticed Raya staring off into space which she does from time to time. She gets a glazed over look for anywhere from 30 seconds to roughly 2 minutes. I've never paid much attention but apparently these could be "mini seizures". Her OT noticed it right away when it happened and started asking a bunch of questions. I just always assumed with seizures, the child would be shaking. Well, her pediatric appt is on May 11 and so I'll run it all past him....which will probably lead to another referral. I really was supposed to work last night but I just couldn't. I went and knelt at her bed and prayed, and cried and prayed.... I just KNOW God has a great plan for her and I NEED to trust in Him, her creator and father. (so much easier to say and to type than to LIVE...but I'm working at it)
On a totally different note....ever since Chris and I have been married, he's often brought up the topic of "missions". I've always shy'd away from the topic. It made me really uncomfortable. He would just end the conversations usually with "Well, if you felt called to go serve somewhere else would you". Of course I'd always say "yes" but inside I was hoping it would NEVER happen. Chris now works for Samaritans Purse and we have the opportunity to hear first hand of various needs that aren't being met and things that need to be done around the world. They have missionaries in the office all the time giving updates of what is going on in the areas that they minister in. I've now got a daughter with a heart and passion to tell the world about Christ. I'm about to start homeschooling in 6 months. I don't know where or why or how but in this whole "house building" process I've been very content and not really becoming to *attached*. I always thought that building a house for our family would have an "emotional" side to it! Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about it and loving it and having fun picking it all out and I'm definately going to love living in it. It all seems so right but so materialistic at the same time. I finally said to Chris the other night
"you know, I don't think this house is going to be ours for long"
he replied saying "really, how come?"
"well, because I feel like we are going to be asked to leave it behind"
"I do too"
"really? like I'm talking about going overseas to Serve somehow"
"ya, I know...me too" he said
So, really....what used to totally freak me out is now becoming a longing....Lord SEND ME!!! It's not really a matter of "if" but more "when". Maybe it will never happen but my heart is ready to go if it is and I'll just continue to pray that we (as a family) continue to desire to serve Him where-ever we are) It's another 180 for me as the homeschooling was....not explainable (so don't ask questions, I don't have the answers)
On another side note...I've been really missing my brother and his wife lately. We aren't super close in relationship or distance but they've been going through some rough times and are on my mind alot. I've put their wedding song on my playlist...it's such a great 'love' song. It's the Bebo Norman one if you want to have a listen.
Well....now that I have that all off my chest, maybe I can get some work done. Say a prayer for our family and especially for Raya-bean before you log off :)