Backyard Missionfield

One of the BIG reasons we decided to move was so that our kids could play outside!  This house has already proven to be great for that :)

Our neighbors took possession on Thursday and our girls were building snowmen in the backyard.  The girl (8) from next door asked if she could join in.  YAY!  Friends already!!

Upon coming in the house with a cold face, red nose, wet hair and sweaty body Hallie proclaims "Great News Mom!  Our new neighbors believe in Jesus!"

I smiled and gave her a hug!  Didn't surprise me that she'd already had that 'talk'.

**she still prays for Samaya...her old neighbor friend that doesn't believe in God.

Well, I was on a roll with cleaning...hoping to get soo much done this morning.  I stopped by the computer to check my email.  There is a devastating email from my sister saying their adoption process could now take 22 months to process when in the beginning they were told a few weeks or even days.  The thing that really gets to me is that there isn't a reason.  It's all political and it's not fair....THESE ARE CHILDRENS LIVES!!!!!

Lord, I know that you love these children for they are yours and they belong to you.  Please protect their little minds and eyes and hearts as they continue to live at the orphange.  I pray that you would work in the minds and hearts of those in control over there and break-up whatever negativity is keeping these adoptions from going through.   You love the orphans, widows and the poor and I pray that you would give others the same passion and love for this large group of people.  Please give Cher and James an incredible peace that passes all understanding.  Bless them richly Lord as they live their lives to please and honor YOU!
Amen.

The tears keep coming...PLEASE pray for them and read their blog!  http://www.heartgrownfamily.blogspot.com/

She's a Smart Cookie

The girls are playing downstairs with a babysitter and I'm working in the office.
They are playing hide-and-go-seek.
It's finally Raya's turn to count.
"How long do I count for?" she asks
"um, how about you count to 10 two times" (seems reasonable for a 4 year old, I was impressed that the sitter modified it for her since Hallie had been counting to 40)

with disgust Raya replies
"NOOOO, because I can count to 20 you know!!!"

cute moment.

This morning as Raya holds a banana she looks up with her big HUGE eyes and says
"do you what this is in french?"
"no, hunny, what is it?"
"It's called a BANANA!"
she looks down at the banana and gets a puzzled look on her face
"oh, maybe actually, I think that's english"

and now we WAIT...

Yesterday morning I woke up before the alarm. Numerous times actually. I didn't know what the day would turn out to be like and I admit, I was nervous. Raya was excited though. I woke her up and told her it was time to go the Dr. She loved that she could wear her pajamas!!

Everyone was so nice at the hospital. She received more attention than she could handle...almost! We were moved from one waiting area to another and then to another... Different staff popped in to each area to ask different questions and to have different forms signed. Before I knew it I was laying her down on a little white bed and she was staring up at 4 complete strangers. :( The fear in her eyes was almost more than I could handle. She squeezed my hand with her little fingers and I rubbed her head. The anesthetist put a mask on her face and her eyes were locked on mine. Her eyelids got heavy and I leaned in to kiss her cheek. I prayed in her ear as her breathing got heavy and her arms and legs began to move around. The nurse told me I had to go. The anesthetist said "just let mom give her one more kiss" and I did. I said one more prayer in her ear, wiped my tears and left the room.

SO HARD.

I went to the bathroom and sang
God in her living
There in her breathing
God in her waking
God in her sleeping
God in her resting
There in her working
God in her thinking
God in her speaking
BE HER EVERYTHING
God in her hoping
There in her dreaming
God in her watching
God in her waiting
God in her laughing
There in her weaping
God in her hurting
God in her healing
BE HER EVERYTHING

I'm so thankful for His promise to us that He will never leave us. I was worried about her, but I didn't need to be. Her creator was right there with her...does it get any better than that? GOD was with her....and He was with me too.


After arriving back home we had a difficult day. Raya did sleep and just as they had told me she was grumpy and 'drunklike' for most of the day. Today wasn't much better so I'm hoping that putting her to bed tonight shortly after 6 will place a positive spin on tomorrow.

I've been asked a few times "How long until you know something?"
I'm supposed to call in two weeks to make an appointment. I'll probably wait until after Christmas. I don't really need to know anything before now and the new year. I don't really want her results tied to Christmas in any way. This is a time to celebrate the birth of Christ!

My Beanie!

My day has been a complete write off since I got the call from the Childrens Hospital saying they'd like to move Raya's MRI to TOMORROW morning at 8am.

It was booked for Tuesday the 15th and though it's only a week sooner, I'm not ready. I kinda just panicked and have done nothing all day but 'think'. Next week my mom was going to come and stay with the other two. Chris would meet me at the hospital to help pass the time. I'd be able to come home and spend the rest of the day comforting Raya and caring for her and making sure all her needs were met without the distraction of everyone else. Now what? Chris is sick. My mom is to busy with work. Chris's parents are comfortable at home and his mom is weak with an illness right now. It sucks. It feels like what was going to be a big giant effort and sacrifice on the part of many that love her is now left in my lap for me to deal with on my own. I feel like I'm facing this dark day alone without support, even though I know it's not true.

No matter the results of the MRI, it changes *us*. If the results are good it changes things. If there are not so good, it changes things. Once we know what we are dealing with we will need to research and plan and do whatever we can to make her joyous life the best and easiest it can be. ! What doesn't change is how much I LOVE HER!!!

I'm thankful for our friends that have called and offered to help. Unfortunately it's hard because I need to leave at 6:45am and that's much to early to drop my kids off at anyones house. Thanks for calling to offer support. It means SO much to us!!!!!

Please pray for peace and comfort for Raya tomorrow. I'm sure it's harder on me than on her. She has no idea about any of it....and it's good that way!

D & G

two precious babes with a place in my heart.
forever.
i didn't get to meet you, your lives were cut short.
you are with our Father and safe in His loving arms.
i think of you.
so often.
i wonder what life would be like with you in it.
comfort is found in remembering that one day i will see you.
hold you.
squeeze you.
chase you.
tickle you.
kiss you.

Let's Catch Up

My blogging seemed to have taken a break from when we sold our house and moved in with friends. Chris and I have been SO blessed by so many people over the past few months including Roland and Nadine who let our family invade theirs for 5 months! It had it's high's and low's and took some adjusting too, that's for sure. We came away from that experience feeling completely cared for by God. The Plett's allowed God to use them to bless us. We learned alot about how another family built on faith 'does life'. It's incredible.

We have been in our new home for a week now. I still can't believe this home is ours. Hallie will tell you that "Cardel built our house but our family makes it a HOME". It's so fantastic. The kids are sleeping well, it's tidy, it's peaceful, and it's ours. Now, what does God want us to do with it? (I'm coming back to that in a bit)

Homeschooling is going fantastic. It's working way better for us than I ever thought it would. It's still going to be a year by year, child by child, decision and I couldn't even begin to tell you what we'll do next year but what I do know is that it was the right decision for this year to keep Hallie home.

Raya has many up and down days still. She has a great team working with her this year. I really believe that she is 'complete' in God's world and she is who He made her to be. We are just on the road to finding out exactly what life looks like for her so that we can be the best parents we can be. She has some blood work and an MRI coming up on Dec 15.

Theo is your typical two year old boy and he is full of T-R-O-U-B-L-E! I LOVE the stage that he is at right now. It's alot of working following him around to make sure that he's *safe* but he's just so FUN!!! He loves to dance, hide, throw balls, wrestle, bug his sisters and eat!

Chris is really busy right now at work. It's Operation Christmas Child time!!! It's hard for me to be cranky about him working overtime when I know it's for such a great reason!

Now for me.... I am really enjoying having a house again and being me....but I do miss having a friend around throughout the day too!

On a very deep personal note...ever since we bought this house I've had a strong feeling that God wants more from me. If you go back and read here you'll see that the feeling started right away. Since then I few things that have happened to prepare me for *something*. I'll share some of them.

1.) We had a great time at Green Bay Bible Camp this past summer. A long story short, a complete stranger came over to us at the end of evening fireside one night. Chris and I were praying with friends and this guy came over and asked us to stand up. He put his hands on us and started praying about things that only Chris and I know. It was one of the craziest most powerful moments of my life. God had spoken to him about us and he had some very incredible words to share. I can't even really describe it but it was such an amazing intimate moment.

2.)I had a really crazy night back in October. I honestly thought that I wasn't going to make it through the night. I woke up early in the night with a feeling that God was telling me to 'Let Go, Nikki, I've got it all taken care of'. I would close my eyes and all I could see was WHITE. I didn't want to 'let go'. I woke Chris up and told him that I thought I was going to die and that he needed to know I loved him and that he had to tell the kids. I had the hardest time closing my eyes. I was so peaceful and relaxed and content but I was afraid I wouldn't wake up again. Hard to describe. At the end of it all, after processing all that went on, I came to realize that God was telling me to release my fears and inhibitions...He has my kids taken care of, with or without me. He has MY BACK. I am nothing without HIM. Since this night, I've not been afraid of much. I used to worry so much about 'what if'. Well, now my answer to 'what if?" is GOD'S GOT MY BACK.

3.) I'm not content. I know God wants more from me. I'm not okay living the life I'm living. No doubt, I love this life but it's not enough. I know that God is calling me to more. (I'm using the term *me* instead of *us* because I'll leave it up to Chris to tell you about his feelings on all of this when he's ready). I have a very good idea of what it is and it's not something I EVER thought would become a part of my life. I'm restless...I want more...more of God...more of something other than myself and this culture that I live in. I am being drawn to and just randomly ending up at many many blogs and websites lately and they all have one thing in common.... coincidence?? nope!

I have to admit that I'm enjoying being in this 'uncomfortable' stage. God is changing my heart and it feels SOOOO good. I cry and cry and long and long. I can't help but want more. The pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together. One day the puzzle will be complete and my life will look different. I'm hoping it comes without judgement from others but I know it won't. Some will be on board and show their support and encouragement, others will think we're crazy and won't understand....but I'll know we are laying our lives at the feet of Jesus and walking in obedience to what He is asking us to do....and isn't that what matters most :)

My Best Friend!

We just got back from a great week of holidays so with that comes a mountain of laundry, catching up on work for me, kids trying to get used to the routine of regular life again and so on...

Chris came home from work on Tuesday and I was busy in the kitchen trying to get supper on the table while 4 little ones were demanding my attention. I was feeling a bit frazzled but had it all under control.

he gently asked: "What can I do?"
me: "I think I'm good"
chris: "no, really, what can I do to serve you in this moment?"

so sweet... his question instantly 'unfrazzled' me and I knew he had my back, he was there to be the support beam, to be the glue that held it all together!

Fathers Day

We headed down to Lethbridge for the weekend to celebrate Fathers Day! It was such a relaxing time and was nice to get away from the packing that we've been doing here. We went to church on Sunday morning but didn't last long as they don't provide childcare for the service we went to and the lights were off so the kids couldn't color. They also have 'theatre seating' which is hard for any child to sit in, let alone one with low muscle tone. It just wasn't working...so we left.

As a kid, I didn't love Fathers Day. My dad chose to leave our family when I was quite young. My Fathers Day activities always had to be 'altered'. I couldn't make them for my dad. I had to have a 'special' one made that could be given to an uncle or grandpa. Fortunately, I had the BEST Grandfather in the world and some pretty great Uncles too!! My Grandpa really played the Father-figure roll in my life. I miss him so deeply. He was so full of wisdom. I want to crawl up on his lap somedays and rest my head on his belly, I want to comb his hair and give him a new hairstyle, I want to be the first one to answer the door so I can be his 'helper' for the day, I want to ask him so many questions, I want to have him pray with me, I want to hear him say that 'He loves me, Is proud of me, and is praying for me", I want to listen to his sermons and learn.........

We left church on Sunday and went to pay a little tribute to the man that has had the greatest influence in my life.

Hallie is often still asking about Grandpa Nikkel. I wasn't sure how she would respond to an environment such as this. She is such a soft soul. She could have sat there for hours with me asking questions, reminiscing, crying and praying. The other two...not so much! There is no photos of what they were trying to do. So, our time there was short but well worth it.

Thanks Chris for taking me there!!

Praise God from Whom all Blessing Flow!!

Our sweet little Raya will be 4 years old in less than 12 hours. Words can't describe her. I can't imagine life without her. She is a true blessing and miracle and adds so much joy to our lives. She has come so far in the past few years. I just love love love her! It's hard to look at her and not smile. I'm looking forward to celebrating her life with friends and family on Sunday!

Lately I've been thinking alot about how far she has to go and I need to always remember how far she's already come!!

then

NOW!!

A bit about everything...

First I'll start with the house.... The people you have bought our place had a home inspection done on Saturday. We didn't hear back until Sunday just as we were walking into church. Our realtor called and said that the other Realtor had just called him to advise that both bathrooms were filled with mold and needed to be completely gutted and redone. She had apparently yelled at him for 7 minutes about how horrible it was that we were trying to sell something that was a health hazard...blah blah blah. Anyways, I tried really hard not to let it take away from my worship time and I did pretty well. Chris on the other hand was a mess. We rushed home after church to read the report that she had emailed. It was crazy. The report simply stated "potential signs of mold, however no mold was detected or looked for". WHAT?!! you want us to replace both bathrooms completly? I think not! Anyways, Chris took out a panel in our crawl space which allowed him to see into the basement by the tub (between the walls) and there was NOTHING. We took off both toilets and lifted up the lino...NOTHING! So, we told them to "take it or leave it" but we arent doing anything. If there was mold, we'd be MORE than happy to take care of it. I don't want to sell something harmful, nor continue to live in it for another 6 weeks but really, there is not a sign of it! Other than stained lino that was like that when we moved in 5 years ago. Which is a stain from the glue that the developer used. We will see what happens. They have until Thursday to decide. If they say okay, we move forward, if they say no, then we slap it back up on the market.

We had Raya's follow up appt for her blood work yesterday. I was feeling nervous but at peace at the same time. I knew that whatever the Dr had to say didn't change anything, and if it did, it would be for the better because we could just "face it straight on and deal with it". The more I know about her, the better I can parent her and guide her and encourage her. We didn't find out much except for that she definately has 'something'. Her CK enzyme level is REALLY high. Normal would be between 0-170 and hers is 710. So, now we are waiting on the neurology clinic again.

Church.....(sigh), I love our church. Not the building, the people. It's awesome. I can learn, serve, encourage, cry, laugh, sing, build relationships, worship...... All in the same place! Over the past couple of months I've developed a friendship with someone that I've been wanting to get to know since we started there. I've had a 'gap' in my 'friend portfolio' (haha) and she fills it. She is seriously one of the most amazing women I've ever met. Kind of like my Grandpa is the most amazing man I've ever met. And it's funny, because she's starting to fill the void that has been in my life since my Grandpa passed away. She faithfully prays for me and my family, she encourages me, she tells me great stories from when she was young, she reminds me that the power of prayer is our biggest tool in daily living, she gives me great hugs, she adores me for who I am and I get to listen as she talks about the days when she was a young mom trying to guide and raise her children in this world, how her and her husband met, and started dating, and how she got out of the vehicle and slammed the door when "he tried to get fresh" with her after only a few dates.

Emotions

Well, I have just been a ball of emotional mess lately that I don't expect anyone to understand. I simply don't understand it all myself. I some days feel like a bit of a freak and that I should be put away in some sort of facility or something.

All of this exciting house stuff is going on and it should be consuming alot of my mind space but it's not at the forefront believe it or not. It's mostly Raya. She's been really difficult lately and she gets so frustrated with herself. I don't need to go into details but you can trust me when I say it's extremely hard. It's mostly hard because her 'disability' isn't visual. She looks like your average 4 year old big-eyed girl. I often forget myself that she has bigger struggles than most. So, when we are out in public and she has an 'episode' it's horrible. I try and remain calm and pull her through. People stare and comment as they walk past. They think she's being a spoiled little brat throwing herself on the floor and flopping all around. They don't understand. I don't understand. I just LOVE her to bits and the future scares me. I hope I'm doing things right with her. I hope I'm not being to easy on her, or to tough on her. She had some blood work done last week and I got a call this week from her ped's office saying something showed up and so we have an appt on Monday to find out about whatver it is that they found. I know that the results don't change who she is. Whatever it is, she already has it. I pray that I will be strong and that whatever it is, it's something that Chris and I can handle and deal with and conquer together with Raya! She is such a little trooper with so much energy and love!

There is another topic that is consuming alot of my mind but that will have to wait for another day. I just tried writing about it but it wasn't coming out right. Perhaps it's a little to personal right now. Maybe another time...



To You, My Sisters
By Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you
out every day. I've looked for you on the internet, on playgrounds
and in grocery stores.

I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are
stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience,
experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are
compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are
my "sisters."

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite
sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were
chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately,
some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse
membership, but to no avail.

We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in
obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds.
We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations,
evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.

All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were
pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn,
or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was
fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or
over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed.
Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of
children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our
children's special needs. Some of our children ungergo chemotherapy.
Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some
are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a
different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose
children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual
respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever
materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We
know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the"
treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the"
degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while
our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could
become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and physiatry.

We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get
what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed
upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in
special education classes and mainstream schools for our children
with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies
the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment
for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued
municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could
receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that
means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets
during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was
advocated by the person behind us on line. We have tolerated inane
suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have
tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about
chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our
closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our
sorority, and don't even want to try.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To
Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our
bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically
handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and
we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick
or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory
dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have
painted a canvas of lights and a blazing yule log with our words for
our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We
have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we
have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how
we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not
sure how we did it.

We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in
Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required
much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the
travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport
without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing.

Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they
will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring
touchdowns and extra points and home runs.

We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them
planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We
hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their
palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over
ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their
pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will
accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is
hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and
our special children, reach for the stars.

House Stuff

This whole entire house situation of buying and selling has just gone way to smoothly. I keep waiting for a 'hiccup' but there isn't any. Chris and I feel so blessed right now to be in the position we are. We didn't ever think we'd have a house like the one we have bought. It's nothing extravagant but it's super nice and cozy and *just right* for us!

We listed our house officially at 9am on Wednesday morning and it was sold before the day was over. PRAISE THE LORD!!! That is just not happening in this city right now. Our realtor was a little shocked. Clearly, he doesn't understand the power of prayer ;)

So, we will be moving out of our current home before July 6th when we will pass the keys over to another family so that they can begin making their memories here.

I have mixed emotions. I'm happy to leave, dont' get me wrong!! I just have so many fantastic memories here. I'm so thankful that the memories are in mind and don't get left behind.

We will be moving in with some great, and very generous, friends until our new home is ready. They have a fantastic house that is laid out great. They've allowed other families to live with them in this situation before so they know what they are offering....and we are grateful!

We've almost wrapped up the picking/choosing/deciding etc that comes with building a house. WOW...it's fun and super overwhelming at the same time!! I'll be glad when it's over and we start to see it all coming together. I'm tired of dreaming of paint and carpet....how boring!

Contest.

So I posted a contest a few weeks ago asking people to make up a "persona life mission statement". I don't personally have one and so I thought that if I had a contest it would force me to do one. Well, it didn't. The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. I have thought about it ALOT though and have some rough ideas written down.

I know that it will include the following
~ Micah 6:8 -He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

~ Isaiah 40:31- but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

~ I want to be a light for Jesus, a safe place, a gentle caregiver, a quiet listener, a comforting and nurturing mama, a tenderloving wife, a joyful friend...........

I've yet to draw a winner so you have a last chance opportunity to tell me if you've thought of one (or just some ideas like I have, or copied someone elses ;) )

I'll be sure to post my finished statement once it's compacted and refined :)

Happy Mothers Day!

As Moms, we are all amazing. We often don't stop to look at all we do in a day, and if we do, we quickly dismiss it by saying things like "well, so do all the other Moms". But it's a BIG job.

I am thankful for my Mom and now that I am a Mom myself I appreciate her even more. I often think "how did she do this on her own" I have a loving husband that comes home each night to relieve me. And on weekends I often get a small break to be by myself if I need some time for 'just me'. We didn't have the 'extras' growing up but some of what we did have was stability, a strong mom, a loving environment, a church family, amazing grandparents, and teaching about God and what it was like to have a personal relationship with Him. What else could matter?

A few quick Things I learned from my Mom:

Never give up
Always tithe
You are as strong as you allow God to let you be
It's not all about the money
Hard work pays off
There are two sides to every story


I take my job as a MOM very seriously and nearly every day I look back and evaluate how I did each day. Sometimes I'm pretty impressed with myself and somedays I'm a little embarrased at my poor performance. I'm thankful that we have a Father in Heaven who can guide, lead, and direct me....and that He somehow loves my kids more than I do. I hope that when my kids are older, they look back at me and can say that I did I great job raising them just like I can say about my Mom. I want to teach them the fundamentals of life so they can succeed.

I feel very blessed that God has given us these three precious children to call our 'own'. He has entrusted such a HUGE job to me. Why me? How could I be choosen? What have I done to deserve this gift?

So Happy Mothers Day to all of you that put on your 'Mom Hats' each day.

Here is a funny little 'job description' to remind of us what we do in a day!

MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in anoften chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communicationand organizational skills! and be willing to work variable hours, whichwill include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping siteson rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at leasttemporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to gofrom zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screamsfrom the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing toface stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of allages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a halfmillion cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope forthe best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, completeaccountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilitiesalso include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout thefacility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position foryears, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on acontinually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. Aballoon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption thatcollege will help them become financially independent. When you die, you givethem whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary schemeis that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuitionreimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplieslimitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life ifyou play your cards right.

And you might want to take a look at this cute little song : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eruanwHHrX8

I changed my playlist to 'mom songs'

This feeling!

I have this horrible feeling in my stomach this morning. I've had it since Thursday morning when my sister said she'd try to come for a quick visit. I'm SO excited...and nervous at the same time. My sister and I had a great visit together and went to the Cardel design centre to pick some things out. We chose a carpet, lino, hardwood, corkboard, two cabinet colors and hardware. This morning at 9 Chris and I go back there to design and pick out our cabintry. I'm really excited because it's going to be fun but I'm nervous that it's all going to cost to much money...or what if he doesn't like the things my sister and I pre-selected.

Anyway, all of this to say, the feeling like my stomach wants to jump right out of my skin drives me crazy. It reminds me of when I was a kid and had an early morning ringette game. I couldn't eat breakfast (or sleep well) because I was so nervous that I wouldn't play good but so excited that I might!

FIRST EVER CONTEST!!!

I posted on 'rejection' yesterday and then no-one commented....hmmmm, OUCH! ;)


Do you have a 'personal life mission statement'? What is your purpose, what is your goal, what do you strive for?

We discussed this at homegroup this week and it was our 'homework' to come up with one. It's a great idea! I love it! I just have no idea what mine would be...I guess I have a million pieces of what it would look like running through my head but I'm not sure how I'd put it on paper in a sentence (which by the way, will for sure be a run-on sentence)

So...here is the contest.... Tell me your PERSONAL LIFE MISSION STATEMENT (think about it, pray about it, and make one if you don't already have one) and I will randomly draw from the entries and the winner will receive freshly baked cookies, cookie dough or banana bread (your choice). If you live far away, I'm sorry, you'll have to come visit to claim this prize :)

Contest closes May 10.
I realize that some may not want to share their statement, and that's okay...just post a comment letting me know that you HAVE one and you will still be entered.

Rejection

It hurts.

I was witness to a conversation this weekend that was painful to be a part of. One person brought up a topic that clearly the other didn't want to talk about. It reminded me that even as adults, Rejection Hurts.

No one wants to be turned down when their heart is on the line. Of course, there is reason(s) that someone is picked over another but noone wants someone else to be "picked" above them. As adults we have the knowledge and maturity to understand how someone else might be more 'qualified' or fit the 'spectrum' better but to be told 'you aren't good enough' or 'this other one is better' still HURTS. It's the same kind of pain you experience in grade 1 when you are the last one picked for Red Rover. The other kids are being picked because they run faster, will shout louder, or are bigger... and it hurts to not be "chosen". The hurt still hurts even as an adult.

I used to watch this great little guy name Max. He's the same age as Theo and is fun to have around. I stopped caring for him when his mom increased her hours and I couldn't commit to that much. My schedule has changed and I'm more available, her (his) needs ware not being met at the Day Home they are using and so I offered to take him back. I didn't initially know if she would switch him back. Of course, I knew that the other one was closer and more convenient and offered some things I couldn't but the thought of being turned down 'hurt'. I wanted to be 'chosen'.

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's CHOSEN people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Isaiah 41:9
I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have CHOSEN you and have not rejected you.

I may not always be 'chosen' by Man, but I AM CHOSEN BY GOD, and therefore I have this promise

James 2:5
Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God CHOSEN those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?

I'm not sure where all that came from today. I was feeling badly and saddend for those who have not been 'chosen' by things/people of this world lately. Thankfully there is a much bigger picture and even though from time to time we all encounter rejection, we are still 'Chosen' at the same time.

judgment

Don't judge someone on who they were as a child, in highschool, college, young married, or even who they were yesterday....God can change them in an INSTANT!!

"we sin because we are sinners, we aren't sinners because we sin"


Matthew 7
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

Luke 6:37 (New International Version)
37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.



This thought just came to me as I read an email from a *new* friend that has felt harsh judgment in the past....as most of us have at one point or another. Thank you Lord for the gift of Grace and Forgiveness.

So much on my mind

I've got so much going through my head these days that I just can't seem to focus on ANYTHING!! I wander around the house doing nothing because it all seems overwhelming...should I work, clean, pack, purge, do Raya's therapy, play with the kids, research appliances...my list is endless!

My number one thing that HAS to get done is my work...that has deadlines that have to be met and if they aren't, I don't get paid, which means bills don't get paid...which isn't good. My work is so mundane though and it just gives me time to think and then I get overwhelmed.

Yesterday was an emotionally overwhelming day with respect to Raya. I received a letter from the neurology clinc stating she "doesn't qualify for their services" which sucks because they haven't even seen her yet. Then her OT came over and noticed Raya staring off into space which she does from time to time. She gets a glazed over look for anywhere from 30 seconds to roughly 2 minutes. I've never paid much attention but apparently these could be "mini seizures". Her OT noticed it right away when it happened and started asking a bunch of questions. I just always assumed with seizures, the child would be shaking. Well, her pediatric appt is on May 11 and so I'll run it all past him....which will probably lead to another referral. I really was supposed to work last night but I just couldn't. I went and knelt at her bed and prayed, and cried and prayed.... I just KNOW God has a great plan for her and I NEED to trust in Him, her creator and father. (so much easier to say and to type than to LIVE...but I'm working at it)

On a totally different note....ever since Chris and I have been married, he's often brought up the topic of "missions". I've always shy'd away from the topic. It made me really uncomfortable. He would just end the conversations usually with "Well, if you felt called to go serve somewhere else would you". Of course I'd always say "yes" but inside I was hoping it would NEVER happen. Chris now works for Samaritans Purse and we have the opportunity to hear first hand of various needs that aren't being met and things that need to be done around the world. They have missionaries in the office all the time giving updates of what is going on in the areas that they minister in. I've now got a daughter with a heart and passion to tell the world about Christ. I'm about to start homeschooling in 6 months. I don't know where or why or how but in this whole "house building" process I've been very content and not really becoming to *attached*. I always thought that building a house for our family would have an "emotional" side to it! Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about it and loving it and having fun picking it all out and I'm definately going to love living in it. It all seems so right but so materialistic at the same time. I finally said to Chris the other night
"you know, I don't think this house is going to be ours for long"
he replied saying "really, how come?"
"well, because I feel like we are going to be asked to leave it behind"
"I do too"
"really? like I'm talking about going overseas to Serve somehow"
"ya, I know...me too" he said

So, really....what used to totally freak me out is now becoming a longing....Lord SEND ME!!! It's not really a matter of "if" but more "when". Maybe it will never happen but my heart is ready to go if it is and I'll just continue to pray that we (as a family) continue to desire to serve Him where-ever we are) It's another 180 for me as the homeschooling was....not explainable (so don't ask questions, I don't have the answers)


On another side note...I've been really missing my brother and his wife lately. We aren't super close in relationship or distance but they've been going through some rough times and are on my mind alot. I've put their wedding song on my playlist...it's such a great 'love' song. It's the Bebo Norman one if you want to have a listen.

Well....now that I have that all off my chest, maybe I can get some work done. Say a prayer for our family and especially for Raya-bean before you log off :)

An old memory...

Yesterday at church as Brad was preaching I was reminded of a cute, funny, amazing "Hallie moment"

She was barely 4, Theo was born and still in the NICU, life was crazy....it was her turn to come to the hospital to meet her brother.

We are driving in silence, just her and I....I'm praying, and stressing, and trying not to worry or wonder, I had the horrible feeling in my stomach that I got each time we drove there, I just ached for him to be at home.

Suddenly, I hear Hallie starting to cry...

"What's the matter Hal?"

more crying...

"Tell Mom what is wrong, do you not want to go?"

"um, if Jesus is at the right hand of God (sniff), that means that the Spirit is at the left(sniff), so where am I gonna sit?"

"how about on Jesus' lap?"

"YA!!, that's a good idea, thanks mom"

Easter Dinner

We were eating Easter dinner at Chris's parents place. Hallie was sitting by her 'soon-to-be' Auntie Darlene.

Darlene notices a piece of ham on Hal's plate that has fat on it.
"Don't eat that piece of ham"
"why not?"
"Because it has fat on it"
"fat from what?"
"A pig"
Hallie put her fork down and in disbelief asks "WHAT?, you mean a pig laid this??"

Covergirl...

NOT!!!

I just checked my email and in my inbox was the online version of the "Birth of a Mother" magazine, the one that I won the makeover contest from. I clicked on it as I always do, only this time when it popped up on my screen I literally "LAUGHED OUT LOUD", then my face turned red with embarassment and I got an incredible urge to pee. My picture on the cover????? Seriously people!! Well, nothing I can do about it now I suppose, except to enjoy my new found 'famousness'. HA!

I know that each one of you wants to know where to find it but too bad for you! Just kidding....I'll save you all the time from hunting it down and give you the link. There is a little write up (with some errors) on one of the pages...maybe it's the *centerfold*....wouldn't that be hilarious! (I'll have to check which page it is).
http://www.birthofamother.com/images/BOAM-APRMAY_web.pdf

Happy Birthday to Chris

My best friend has his birthday yesterday! I love birthdays. The girls wanted him to have a "laptop" cake so that's what I made. I didn't throw much time or money into it because I've had other things on the go lately (like getting the house ready to sell). It turned out okay though for the amount of effort that went into it. We bought him a housecoat for a gift which both the girls right away said he needed a couple of weeks ago when I bought Theo one. Dad was the only one without a housecoat and that wasn't good :) Hallie, the party planner, has been trying to play her party games since Saturday and we keep putting her off. Sorry to everyone in Lethbridge but this week is super busy for us and so we've put her off until the weekend when there will be more people to celebrate with! We did play a game or too on Friday night though when we were at Steve and Lisa's. Hallie received the book "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" for her birthday from Sarah (Raya's aide) since she had a Chocolate Factory party. We've been reading a chapter to her in the evenings and she finished the book on Saturday. SO, we rented the movie and bought Wonka candies and did that to wrap up Dad's party on Saturday.

I'm glad we celebrated early because yesterday turned out to be crazy. I've been trying to hear from God what he wants us to do with the house and where we should buy etc and I keep getting this "It doesn't matter to me" thought. It's a little disturbing. 'what, you don't care, it doesn't matter, it's not important??' And then I got to thinking....I care about my kids, about everything about them, I want all the details, I want to be involved, I want them to be responsible, I love them more than anything but sometimes, I allow them to make decisions that just don't matter to me. I, of course, want them to be the best they can be, and be responsible and to take advantage of opportunities that they have to serve others etc but sometimes, their decision doesn't really affect me. For example, If I take Hallie to 7-11 and give her $1.00, I don't really care if she spends all of it or some, if she buys eight 5 cent candies and then a 25 cent one...it's her choice. I want her to share them if she gets the chance, hopefully not eat them all before supper but ultimately, it doesn't matter to me. I want her to learn to make choices and I'm happy for her with whatever she chooses.

Of course, buying a house is a much larger scale but in God's world, with all that he has to 'deal with' it's maybe not. Perhaps his saying, "my child, I've blessed you, be responsible, take advantage of the opportunties you have to serve others whereever you are but it's up to you where you would like to live.
Any thoughts from anyone on that?

Well, the Cardel office in Cranston called yesterday and said that the original lot that we wanted when we first went in was now available. The financing had fell through for the other people and we could take it if we decided before the 11th. This lot was 13000 less than the one that we were waiting to see would go off 'hold', which by-the-way is now sold. So, if this lot wouldn't have come available we wouldn't have been able to build in Cranston. We drove past the lot, #25, and took a great look at it. It's super deep compared to most and close to the end of the street. It's got some extra parking across the street which is great because we like to have company. It also has a nice back fence up already and no neighbors behind!

We went into the showhome to talk to Mark. He went through all the structural upgrades with us and gave us our final price! We will go tonight with a deposit cheque and do the paper work...hopefully we can find a babysitter :) Taking the kids in there is getting a bit tough on everyone. They've been good but it's often past their bedtime and there really isn't anything for them to do there.

When I was growing up my Uncle and Aunt had a little playhouse for their kids. I can't remember what the exact house number was but it was something like 2567 which was the age of their kids at the time they bought it. I loved this little playhouse and always dreamed of my own. Well, it looks like I'm now getting it....Our new address will be 136 Cranberry Circle and my children today are 1, 3, and 6. Coincidence? or God's suddle way of 'winking' at me.

So, all that is left is the financing and Chris and I have both told ourselves that we won't be hung up and too disappointed if it doesn't work out. Oh right!! and then we need to sell our house :)

Some friends from church are "referring" us to Cardel and they will get $5000.00 which they have agreed to split with us. They will get the money within 30 days of us moving in which means we will be able to get blinds!!!

Happy Birthday to Chris!

The past week...

Nothing majorly new to report....just don't want to get out of the habit of blogging, since I know you are all anxiously waiting to see what I will post next...haha!

House/Moving: The lot that would work with the house we want in Cranston is still on hold until the 15th. The salesman is going to grab it for us right away if these people don't take it. The house will be going up 7000-10000 in the next week so we need to act fast if we want it. I guess what they do is "fire-sale" the first, I don't know, say 20 or so and then they get a deal from all the trades people and then once they have their 'deal', they jack up the price... odd. So, we are trying to line up banking etc this week and hopefully make it happen. We are going to go to the Cardel design centre so check out all the upgrades ahead of time so we know more of the final price. The upgrade options are CRAZY!! We are being very particular about what we choose to get and what we choose to leave behind...we can't have it all so we are trying to prioritize which things we like best. Some are not options for us at all....I need to have doors on my office, without the kitchen extended we don't like the house, having the house developed down to the basement eliminates having the 'closed in' feeling on the main floor and is easier for future development, a pocket door so that the lint and dirt from the laundry/mud room don't get into the walkthrough pantry.... WOW...it all adds up fast :)

We've decided to paint the girls room just a plain light blue for the purpose of selling. Chris has finished most of it and they should be down there next weekend...they are excited.

Sunday: I had my first experience as an "Elders Wife'. Apparently when the Elders make a decision that not everyone likes, they don't go to the Elders for answers...they go to their wives....who knew? I was quite taken back. I didn't even know about the decision much before....Chris was nervous to tell me because he didn't think I'd agree with it...initially, I didn't. Once I heard the reasonings and how they came to their decision etc, I came around and I'm sure most will too. Part of me says "why fix what isn't broken? (and what we all love)" but looking to the future is important too.

That's about it for now...on with the day :)

2 down...one to go!

Raya is officially out of pull-ups!!! She has been dry through the night for a week now and I'm very thankful. Yesterday I took her to the store and she picked out a Webkinz as her special "I'm a big girl now" gift. She chose a kitty-kat and has named it Candy Apple. She so cute...and was soooo excited! She just wiggled and jiggled and giggled the whole way there, while we were there, and the entire ride home. She couldn't wait to show Hal and Dad.

Upgrading?

We have been thinking about/dreaming of/wishing for/praying about the possibility of moving to a home that is more suitable for our family right now and in the long term. I really like our current house and it seems to suit us. It's not fancy, it's simple. It's not big, it's average. However, there are a couple of things that I don't appreciate about it and the biggest is that I can't see my children in the back yard from the main living area of my house. They are constantly begging to go out and play and I want them too as well but it just doesn't seem like it ever works for me. I'll be making supper and they are wanting to go play, and I'm wanting them to get outside but the way this house is laid out, it just doesn't really work right now with the ages that they are. We have a few other reasons as well but the main reason to move would be for a more functional layout.

There really wasn't a chance this could happen in the next two years but Raya got approved for Child Disability Tax Credit (and they are backdating to her birth) so this will allow us to pay off the only other loan we have left (besides our mortage). We've really been working on our finances for the last 7 months or so and have seen God to great things with the money we have. We can't wait to have that debt pay off. It's such an unhealthy debt to have and it weighs heavily on us. We've been trying out best to follow "Dave Ramsey's" Total Money Makeover and it's working well for us. Some fantastic friends of ours got us hooked on it last year. It's been great to handle our finances more "biblically". We've realized that borrowing isn't an option for us(with the exception of mortgage and possibly a vehicle). And lending isn't an option either...we will give. The book states, if you have it to lend, you have it to give. We have been enjoying seeing how God has used our (I mean *His*) money to bless people.

All this to say that it seems like we are getting ahead and are possibly in the position to move....YAY!! We found a house we love, a community we love....but...the community doesn't have a lot we can afford to put the house on :( I know it will all work out and we will move when we are able. We are still going to proceed with getting our house ready to sell and will hopefully list it in the next month or so. I don't have a problem buying an existing house, in fact that's what we'd planned to do along. I get so nervous and stressed about the timing of everything .... and well, basically, I need to sit back, enjoy the ride and remember that God is bigger than all of these worries I have. The house in Cranston just seemed so *right*. It's not huge or glamorous but it's big enough. It's got a great kitchen and I could see the kids playing in the backyard. If we are going to homeschool, I NEED to be able to have the kids outside for some fresh air most days.

Well, I think that's all for today. I'm on my way to enjoy a day full of coffee, kids, cleaning, laundry, and work and I'm going to do my best to release all my worries and stresses to the Lord.

It's been a day...

Admit it...we've all had days that we've wanted to do this...









Disclaimer: I promise this was only taken for "shock factor" for when Chris drives up! I love my little man, he's just hitting the 'terrible twos' a little early.

Worship

I've been spending alot of time 'worshipping' lately...on my own. I look up my friends blogs and most of us have music attached and I can't help but start to sing and eventually, I'm not even reading anymore...I'm in my office, with the door closed, fully worshipping the God I serve, my creator, defender, comfortor...my everlasting Father....no one else.

I struggle at church and often wish everyone was seperated into cubicles...imagine this....curtains going lenthwise and widthwise so each person would have their own little space. :) I know that people aren't really 'watching' each other but I often find myself wanting to 'let-go' when I'm worshipping... I want to raise my hands, or dance, or smile, or kneel, or weep...and it's hard for me to fully worship in a room full of people. It's intimate....between Christ and I....and I don't want to share it with others....much the same as I wouldn't want to be in a room full of people when Chris and I having our most intimate moments (whether it be conversation, holding, or anything else).

It's not uncommon for me to have my worship music cranked in the van and to be crying or singing my heart out...I love it!! I wish I had the same freedom at church on a Sunday morning without feeling so inhibitated.

Raya still wears pull-ups at night and lately has been having a few accidents during the day. Odd. I think it might be because she 'thinks' she is wearing a pull-up so she pee's and then clearly realizes that she isn't. A while ago (before Christmas) we discussed the idea of no more pullups and I told her that after 1 week of panties at bedtime she could pick out a toy. She chose Blue's Clue's Lego. Nothing ever came of it though, she insisted on pullups at bedtime and I didn't argue for a couple of reasons.

Well, yesterday after another accident, I said "No more pullups!!, You are a big girl and you are going to wear panties!" She was excited about it and wore panties to bed last night. She was still try at 4am when I checked her but she woke me up at 430 when she just couldn't hold it any longer. I did a quick bedding change and put a pullup on her....she said "I'm not a little, I'm a big girl!" I switched it to panties and she was good for the rest of the night!

This morning she said she wants to wear a pullup tonight...so I broke out the old bribe and said "but don't you want a new toy? and don't you want to be a big girl?"
She right away said "Ya, I can have Blue's Clue's Lego right mama?"
"Sure you can, or you can choose something else if you'd like"
there was a pause and then she said "I think I'll pick a new pack of PullUps!"
sigh

Makeover Madness

Today was my big "makeover day". I was so stressed about it last night. Yesterday was a "fat day" for me and I was not wanting to have my picture taken for a magazine today. When I was at the Posh Mommy store, I declined to buy the awesome blue cardigan that I was wearing with the outfit I ended up buying. Last night, I realized that the cardigan was a HUGE part of the outfit, in fact, probably my favorite piece of it....it's a toss up between the scarf or the cardi. It took me a while to realize that Satan was trying to 'steal my thunder'. I decided in my mind that this was supposed to be a happy, relaxing, fun thing and I shouldn't care what I look like. I'm a mom...I have rolls!

When I got to the spa this morning, I mentioned to Julie (the girl from the mag) that I realized yesterday that the cardigan was what really made the outfit for me. I told her "It's too bad I can't just borrow it for 1/2 an hour for the photo shoot". Posh Mommy is just down the street from the Spa and Julie knows the owner. It was only about an hour later and 'whola' I had the cardigan for the morning!!

The owner of the Spa was adament that there were no 'before' photos taken. He said that noone needs to look crappy in a photo. I was pleased :)

I didn't actually get the spa treatments today but they did 'stage' a few shots. It was still fun though.

I hadn't realized that Swizzle Sticks was going to color my hair as well as cut and style it! I had a great stylist, Emma. At the end, when I put my new, way to expensive, clothes on, Emma said "I love that cardigan!!!" Ya, her and I both. Julie told her there was one more at the store. Emma, ended up just buying the one I was wearing, over the phone with Posh Mommy! I was sad to give up the cardigan (insert pouting face here).

We headed outside for a few "after" shots. I'm really not good at those. I don't like to smile because my teeth are ugly and it felt weird to have someone shooting photos of me on a street corner.

I had to drive past Posh Mommy to get home and my van accidently pulled into the parking lot, my body got out, went inside, and purchased the cardigan. I just couldn't leave it! I had some birthday money still in my wallet and so I decided that today was as good of time as any to use it. I normally wouldn't buy something so expensive but I just feel so good in it and I'll be able to wear it with lots of things. I know I would have regretted not buying it. So, I spoiled myself today. And I guess I realized what I'd been hanging on to my birthday money for.

Here is a little 'storyboard' of the event that the photographer put together. Check out her website. She rocks!

Life's Not Fair

For a long time now I've wondered why as parents we feel this incredible need to make sure everything is "fair". I guess probably because in an 'ideal' world, everything would be "fair". When our kids are playing we say things like
"make sure you are fair"
"don't do that, it's not fair"
"do you think that was fair?"

Raya lately has been coming up to me when she's upset at one of her siblings or something I've done and she says "NO FAIR!" (which she can say quite well, I have to admit it1) I've started to respond with "Life's not Fair!"

I don't want to teach my kids that everything is about "fairness". I think I might be better off to teach them how to deal with life when it isn't "fair" to them.

I know my children aren't guinnea pigs, but I have been doing some experimenting with my theory :) I've been cutting their pizza in different sizes, pouring different amounts of chocolate milk etc.... of course in the end, they probably end up with an equal amount but it's the principle of teaching them how to react when they feel that they have been mis-treated. Sometimes you will get less, and sometimes you will get more. What is the proper way to react when you have less? what about when you have more and see that someone has less? It's opened alot of doors of communication and led to some good conversations and 'teachable moments' with them, especially Hallie.

I'd rather teach them about the lack of fairness right now when they are more 'teachable' rather than teach them only about fairness and have them leave the house at 18 and realize that LIFE ISN'T FAIR.

Of course, my goal for my children is that they treat others fairly, and it is one of our family rules, but I also want them to know how to react, respond and deal with life when it isn't fair.

The makeover

So, I really don't want to seem ungrateful but this makeover thing is turning out to be a bit of a pain. Initially, I was told to get ready for a "Day of Pampering" and to make sure I had the whole day free. Sounds great, doesn't it?? Well, they booked it for a Tuesday which is a little inconvenient because if I need the whole day, that would make for about 10 hours of babysitting while Chris is at work and ALOT of prep work since the kids need to get to and from school at certain times etc. So, it started to stress me.

Then, the lady from the magazine called (who is super duper sweet btw) to let me know that I actually wouldn't be getting my spa treatments on Tuesday. In fact, the spa is closed that day. I am just to show up at 9, looking normal/horrible, they will take my picture in various spa settings and then I will get my hair and makeup done, put on my new outfit from Posh Mommy and have a final "tada" photo. So, I had to go to Posh Mommy yesterday at 12:15 to pick out an outfit. The magazines photographer (who is also super duper sweet) came for a few minutes to snap a few pics. Then, a 'professional stylist' was on hand to help me pic out an outfit. I was given $300 to spend. Well.....that amount of money doesn't buy much. The jeans are all $250.00 and the tops average about $180.00. Yikes!!! So, it was a little stressful. I didn't want to spend any money...isn't that the point of WINNING something. I found it odd that it was impossible to get an outfit for that amount of money but that's all that they offered. I was expecting to be able to go whenever I wanted and to be able to buy whatever I wanted. Not be told that I needed an "outfit" to wear for the 'after' picture. So, I ended up spending $90 of my own money and then still having to go buy some shoes that the sylist recommended. I almost feel guilty owning these expensive "Joe's Jeans". How do people afford it? or justify it? The lady from the mag said "once you wear high end jeans, you'll never go back!" I don't have a choice but to go back. Our finances don't allow this type of thing and my heart/mind don't either to be quite honest. It wasn't even like I *loved* anything in there and wished for it. I honestly felt sick to my stomach that people honestly think that these clothes are worth that much money. I'll still have to tip for my haircut and spa treatments so after all is said and done, I'll have had to pay about $250 of my own money to win a package valued at $1000.00. Seems like a good deal, but if you don't really have the $250.00 ($90 at posh mommy, $40 shoes, $75 tips-because they expect 15-20%, $45 in babysititng) it's not such a deal. Chris has to stay home a bit in the morning and then the kids will have a couple of my friends to watch them from 10-2, when I get back.

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's been frustrating. I'm trying to just enjoy it because I never win and a spa treatment will be awesome (when I finally get there). The personal fitness sessions will hopefully be good too. At one point yesterday, while at Posh Mommy, the owner said to me "You need to spoil yourself" to which I replied "One needs to have money in order to spoil themselves". Some people just don't get what it's like to earn a lower salary and live within your means.

Well, I'll be sure to blog about how everything goes on Tuesday. Hopefully I'll just be able to relax and have fun and enjoy it since I never win and everyone means well. It's not the magazines fault that we don't have the extra money to put in to it. I just stress and loose sleep over stupid things!!!

And when the magazine publishes the article, I'll post the link.

Grand Prize Winner?

I subscribe to a magazine called "Birth of a Mother" and last week they emailed a contest for a "Mommy Makeover". To enter you had to tell them in 100 words why you thought you deserved to win. I just quickly made up a poem and sent it in. After I had sent it, I was quite embarrassed because I should have taken the time to look it over and think about it...it could have been SOOOO much better.

Well, I guess they loved it because I won!!! Here is what I won:


From Swizzlesticks Salon & Spa: 1 x Caribbean Manicure and Pedicure 1 x Aroma Wellness Massage OR Aroma Wellness Facial 1 x Shampoo, Condition, Cut, Style and Finish
1 x Make-up Consultation and Application

From Posh Mommy: $300 Gift Card and Style session with Personal Stylist Kim Flanagan to pick out a new outfit

From Milestones Grill & Bar: $75 Gift Certificate

From Fit Mom: 8 Personal Training Sessions

From bo bébé: $150 Gift Basket

From Shooligans: 1 pair of Robeez soft soles, 1 pair of Squeaky Shoes

Here is a copy of my ridiculous poem that will now be published in the magazine...how horrifying...oh well...at least I'll look good :)


I am a busy mom of three
and barely have time to pee.

I shower at night, (so I can do it alone)
and spare them all from the fright.

I work from home to earn extra money
and rarely get to spend time with my honey.

With a kindergartner, a preschooler and a toddler
…put on clean clothes? why even bother?

With a pony on top, and baggy pants on the bottom
It’s a wonder they have style with all I’ve taught ‘em.

My friends don’t dare laugh, we’re all the same way
I’d rather spend time with my kids than get ready all day.

Someday I’ll spend money on myself
I just keep waiting to loose my ‘muffin top’ shelf.

I love my kids, wouldn’t trade this for the world
But a day of pampering sounds like the best thing I’ve heard!


Now I just have to find someone to watch the kids on Tuesday!

Oh, and if you have little ones and don't subscribe to the magazine you should!!!!

The girls bedroom

The girls have a small bedroom upstairs right now. It's not so bad when they are sleeping in bunk beds but for the past 8 months or so no-one has wanting to sleep on the top so we have them seperated. It's so crammed you can barely move in there. It's driving everyone crazy. They want a place to play where Theo can't get at them but they can barely turn around in their bedroom. We have a large bedroom downstairs that we use as a guest/storage room and we've decided to move the girls into that room. They will be right beneath us but I know I'll have a hard time at first....they'll feel so far away :( They will have more space though and their own 'kid' bathroom! I hope it goes as smoothly as I'm hoping it does but I do have my reservations for sure. I got a *sweet* deal on the bedding thanks to my brother who lives in the States and was willing to allow me to have my stuff shipped to his place for him to forward on to me. I'm excited to have it done...but there is work involved first. We need to clean out the room and decide what to do with all the junk. I think we've decided that we aren't going to keep the guest bed. Initially we thought we'd move the bed upstairs but I think I'm going to need that space for homeschooling stuff. We rarely get overnight company anymore. We used to be like a hotel and I was constantly washing the bedding and getting the room ready for our next visitors but those days are few and far between now. It's hard to justify saving the second biggest room in the house for guests that come only a few times a year when we can be using the room on a daily basis. So, we will have a queen blowup mattress and for those that don't appreciate that, Chris and I will sleep on it and give them our bed for the nights when we have overnight guests.

I'm pretty sure I've decided on painting their room blue and brown...stripes. It's a lot of work but it will look tres cool when completed. I'm painting some headboards that came from Chris's sisters old bedroom and have already bought a nightstand. I'm still deciding on what type of storage system to get...will most likely end up being Ikea. They need a place to store some crafts and toys....and ideas?

I'll post pics as we go along! Hopefully by the end of April they will be downstairs living every teenagers dream :)

Here is a pic of the bedding.

I'll try again!

Last week I posted a super huge long blog and then when I went to change the font to white so it could be read, I accidently deleted it. I was so MAAAAAD. I'll try again and honestly I hope to become much better at this blogging thing. There have been so many times in the past few weeks that I've though "I should blog about that"....and then I just don't.



Today was a crazy day. Hal had a dentist appt at 930 which we didn't make it to. It was just to early...the roads weren't great so it was going to take about 45 minutes to get there, the kids slept in and so did I. Daylight savings sucks, although I am grateful that it will now be light enough outside for me to go for a run when Chris gets home. I just need the temperature to increase by a few (40) degrees!



So, I called the dentist when it became apparent that we were going to be late and asked if they would rather I reschedule than come late and they said "yes, please reschedule". We went to Bible Study instead, which is our usual Tuesday morning thing. I love the Ladies Bible Study group at our church. It's led by a great lady who I really look up to. She is someone that I'd admired from afar for a while and this past summer started meeting with once in a while for coffee. She is a great mentor for me and I'm glad that God has put her in my life.



I honestly can't believe how quickly the kids are growing up. Hallie just celebrated her 6th birthday and we had a very fun "Chocolate Factory" party for her. My goal/hope in having big parties for them and "doing it big" is that it's their special time to be celebrated and when Christmas rolls around, that's Jesus's time. Their friends have fun at their parties and go home with a few small 'gifts' and at Christmas, we will have fun celebrating Jesus's birthday and they will each get a few small gifts. Their birthday is all about them and I want Christmas to be all about Jesus.



Hallie is really big right now on showing the love of Jesus to people around her. She 'cleaned' my room for me last week when I wasn't feeling well and said

"Mom, because you aren't feeling well, I cleaned your room for you. That's called thinking of others (udders) before yourself right? That's what Jesus teaches us in the Bible"

She is especially concerned about our muslim neighbors and that they won't be going to heaven. She can't wait until summer time so she can tell the little girl that's her age all about Jesus. I had mixed feelings about this, which I blogged about last week (sigh) but it's been resolved and Chris has spoken to some people at his office that are familiar with the Muslim culture and religion and I now feel comfortable saying "You go girl!!"



Raya is progressing leaps and bounds with respect to her speech therapy and occupational therapy. We are surrounded by a great team of people right now that genuinely care about her and want her to succeed. When the OT (occupational therapist) used to come over and I would notice something that Raya couldn't do, it was so overwhelming for me. Now, I just look at it as one more thing she can accomplish. She is so focused and driven and is doing so amazingly well. I can't even describe the changes we've seen in her over the past 3 months. Her pediatrician confirmed this week that her "issues, struggles, difficulties..whatever you want to call them" are from birth. :( She has been referred to the neurologist and we will wait to see what he/she has to say. For now, I'm just so happy that she is progresssing...and at a great rate!



Theo is by FAR our most difficult 20 month old. He is a stubborn little guy that likes to eat!!! He is constantly in the pantry or fridge and is pulling out food or screaming for it all day long. He is a very fun little guy as well. He likes to play...but only with balls, trucks, trains or markers. He will have nothing to do with the 'girly' toys. He loves to play with the girls though and make them laugh. The biggest difference I've noticed is his need to wrestle and be roughed up a bit. If he's really grouchy, I just start tossing him around and he gets happy pretty quickly...usually!



I've been wanting a Bosch or a Kitchen Aid mixer for a long time now but couldn't ever justify it. I had a thought a couple of weeks ago that my grandma may have had one that might be sitting at my 'step-grandma's' condo. My mom doesn't really cook or bake much and so I called to ask her if she knew or thought there might be one there that wasn't being used. I was fully expecting her to say "What's a Bosch?" but guess what.....you won't believe what she said....she said "I don't think Grandma had one but I do!" I was like "what???...you are kidding...do you know what a Bosch is?" Well, sure enough, she had one and I am now the proud owner, I mean "borrower" of it!!! (she wouldn't give it to me, but that's okay, I'm just happy to have one in my house!)



Chris and I have been trying to do random acts of kindness lately and it's been amazing to see how it comes back to bless us. I can't/won't share specific details because someone might read this and then it wouldn't be very "secret" would it? But it's just been amazing to see how God uses what you give him and how he really blesses you in return.



One of our big decisions of late is that we will most likely homeschool Hallie next year. I used to have a huge list of reasons of why it would never work for us or why I would never want to and they slowly, one by one, keep getting ticked off as being invalid now. Even in the beginning of December my whole list applied and now none of it does. It's a weird thing that can't be explained so you'll all just have to trust me when I tell you that the mind can't do what the heart won't let it. My mind says 'send her to school with all the other children' and my heart says 'you have to keep her home and teach her and guide and direct her until she knows who she is'. I'm hoping that come September, my heart agrees with my mind but I have a feeling it will be my mind submitting to my heart.



Chris is in a position transition right now with work and I'm so super proud of him!!!



As for me, I'm just really trying to figure out who it is that God wants me to be...as a mom, friend, sister, daughter, mentor, neighbor, co-worker, church member....I think he has a job description for me under each one of those titles and I'm beginning to search out what each one of those looks like. I've been awful at it for the past couple of weeks but I really enjoy when I set my alarm and get up before the kids and pray for them (and our family). When I actually take the time to invite God into our house...let him know he's not only welcome but he's wanted and needed here...

We've been singing this new great song at church lately and I can't get enough of it. I have the words printed out on the fridge and Hallie asked about them today. I sat down with her and explained that it's about striving to make God the biggest part of everything that happens in our lives every day. I read her the words, then sang it for her, and then she asked if she could learn it so she could try and do it too. I showed her it on youtube and she loved it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrIWy42sC6U&feature=related

Well, I've been sick for about three weeks now and I'm headed to bed. No energy left to proof-read...sorry...

Random Ramblings

Okay....I'm mad...I just blogged the super longest blog EVER and it didnt' work..,.

AAAHHHHHHH